There have been days, weeks, months where just getting out of bed and brushing my teeth was a major victory. My bed had become my sacred space, the only place where I felt at peace, safe + nourished. Looking back on this wild, wild, wild journey to vibrant health, I am realizing that one of the first elements to vanish from my life was my connection to feeling feminine. My once deep relationship with my inner goddess was gone. I was speaking a few weeks ago with two of my dear friends who are also battling Lyme Disease, recalling the moments when we realized that we just did not feel feminine any more, nor did we even care.
I think this happens when you are in full-time survival mode. All of my rituals for nourishing + fueling the goddess flame took a back seat to...literally surviving, trying to make it through the day and into another. And slowly that fire continued to fade. I'm not even talking sexual energy per se, although that surely is something that can be completely extinguished during times of extreme dis-ease.
I'm talking more just the essence of what my femininity means to me...my once high levels of intuition, creativity, belief in magic + miracles, connection to Mother Earth, faith in the universe....all had became completely faded + blurry. Just gray and lifeless.
Now in a glorious phase of renewal, I continue to grow stronger and stronger every day, and I am finally coming back into my body and reuniting my soul within my human form. And in that process so too is my femininity and connection to my inner goddess slowly returning + blossoming. RITUALS ARE MY FUEL. My desire to be feminine and relishing in my renewed goddess energy is building and being gently guided by my increased connections with my daily practices + rituals :: my chakra cleansing + spirit energizing Pranayama practice, setting up sacred spaces + altars, gathering beautiful objects, flowers, + crystals, aligning once again to the cycles of the moon, and infusing myself with the powers and energy of MOTHER EARTH.
She is my true healer. And everyday I gently commune + sit with her, ask for her guidance + support and to be graciously allowed back into her rhythm + flow.
Photo : Nitsa Citrine